Until, One Day, It Disappeared

Weekend update time. Overall, it was pretty good. I got to hang out with some other Volunteers on Friday evening/Saturday morning, and then I headed up to Radomir for my host mother's 65th birthday (it was on Thursday, but I wasn't able to get up until Sat). Social time, Bulgarian language practice, free food (yesterday and this morning)... It wasn't Thanksgiving, but it was a decent enough substitute.

Once I got home, however, things weren't so hot.

Expected: Having to restart my computer because it froze up.

Unexpected: Said machine refusing to boot up after the restart.

Good: It's still under warranty.

Bad: I don't know as of yet whether any data can be salvaged.

So, it could have been worse, but it's more than slightly irritating. The fiction I was working on is saved to my flash drive, and most of the stuff I was going to use for class similarly backed up. My music, however, may be toast (having to start over with that would irritate me rather a lot), and the living allowance survey that I was filling out for Peace Corps may be toast as well (this is bad, because such things are used to calculate possible living allowance increases).

Tomorrow after work, I'm going to go to the store-type place, and see what (if anything) can be done. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to salvage some data. If not, I'll get a new hard drive, and I'll have to start re-installing/re-acquiring stuffs. Joy.

More updates as things progress.

Later, flipsiders.

Ten Miles From Nowhere, There's A Story That's True

Hope everyone had a good Turkey Day and is appropriately stuffed. It's certainly been odd, being away from friends/family today. Also, it's very odd to be working today (in addition to yesterday and tomorrow). It wasn't as if I expected today off, but it's one of those things that doesn't really hit you immediately. Just one more reminder that I'm living the ex-pat life.

On the plus side, I got to talk with a lot of people via VOIP-type programs. Thus, I am thankful for the internet. It brings me horror and mental scarring, but it also allows me to remain in close(ish) contact with those I hold dear. And so, friends, family and assorted others, to you I raise my glass. I likely won't see most of you in the meat for well over a year, but that doesn't change the importance you all have to me. If anything, it makes you guys even more important - an emotional anchor, of sorts. Having a point (even in the abstract) that I can call "home" is one of the things that helps me deal with all the stress of being thrown into a completely strange situation, and having contact with friendly voices from the past makes looking into the future that much more doable. So, thanks.

Please pardon the sap. I'll get it cleaned up before I post again, I promise.

Later flipsiders.

Man I Had A Dreadful Flight

Warning - Stream of consciousness to follow:

Tired for no reason I can see. Not a stressful day, nothing worth reporting, really. Just... tired. Can't think, but at the same time, can't sleep. Weird sort of insomnia state, self-hypnosis with no real point. Borderline.

Borderline what? Depression? No. No self-recrimination. No self-destructive thoughts. Thoughts slow. Glacial. Getting colder here. Snow on the mountain. Going to be good for skiing soon. Can't seem to use explicit subjects. Non-standard grammar; English isn't pro-drop.

Why does grammar come up now? This makes no sense. Am I internalizing it? Internalizing is only good when it comes to language. Emotions shouldn't be bottled up. Am I bottling something up? Too many questions. No answers forthcoming. Irritating. Like a mental itch that I don't know how to scratch, or even how to ask someone else to scratch it for me. Sleep would blot it out.

Can't sleep. Should, but can't. Dunno why. Circular. Neverending circle, bringing me right back. Is there a point? Should be. Maybe look at things sideways? Doesn't help. Lines. Lines of thought, like breadlines, unemployment lines. Neurons marching in formation with no end in sight. Craving release, freeform thought. Dreams blurring, faces running together. Wax and the face of God, exploding for box-office gold. Smoke and mirrors, bread and circuses.

Haven't made bread since I came here. Need to change that. Warm crust, soft inside. Person or food? Food is consumed; people renew, share. Flow. Water. Lava. Love.

Larva? No. Non-sequitur two steps removed. Two steps... even bigger leap? Mars? More?

More what? Thought's lost. Feel lost. Know what I'm doing, where I am. Wherefore lost? Convoluted plots; not on TV. Living it. All mental, ping-pong in the mind. Solitaire table tennis; small white sphere of light/sense, paddle of self, table of world. Constant pinging the IP address of reality - eyes, ears, nose, skin, tongue. Sense it, learn it, know it, understand it, change it. What is it?

It - infinitely malleable, singularly specific. Model for reality? Ni!

Live to tell the tale. Live the tale. Be the tale. Not making sense again. No checks on rambling, wandering. Sensorium desert. Not quite 24 years wandering. Too much metaphor, not enough meaning. Bah.

Later, flipsiders.

Breathe Out So I Can Breathe You In

Oh, man. So, I just made this and sweet Jesus is it delicious. It needs a lot of salt and pepper, for me, but you get a hard, smoked cheese grated on top of it, maybe some chives... Nummy. It was accompanied by a nice salad (lettuce, cucumbers, mushrooms, carrots, bell peppers, chives and herbs tossed together with olive oil, salt, pepper, oregano and basil, topped with kiwifruit and balsamic vinegar) and some red wine (I had to bootleg the sherry by combining red wine with amaretto).

In other news, the strike is finally and at long last, over. This means that I have work as of tomorrow (though I have no regular Tuesday classes to teach), so I'm pretty happy about that. Additionally, I'm supposed to start teaching a twice-weekly class on Tuesdays and Thursdays for unemployed adults.

That's going to be interesting, to say the least. Beats the hell out of sitting around wondering what's going to happen next, though.

Ok. I'll have more tomorrow, but now, it's after midnight and I'm in desperate need of sleep.

Later, flipsiders.

In That Case, I'll Go Underground

Well, week 2 of teaching over and done with. I'm starting to get a feel for things, and I feel like I'm starting to hit a stride with my classes. Of course, just as this happens, things get a tad screwy.

For those of you who haven't been following Bulgarian news (i.e., probably all of you), or those of you who I haven't told (most of you), the teachers in this country are going on strike. Basically, they asked for a 100% raise (they currently get paid, on average, 25% less than the average salary in Bulgaria), and the Ministry countered with an offer of a 15% raise. Thus, we get strikes and bargaining. From what I can gather, the teachers are probably willing to settle for a 50% raise, which would put them at a little over the average monthly salary. Until then, we're having walkouts across the country.

This is where the fun starts. See, I'm not paid by the Ministry of Education. As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I'm supposed to stay apolitical. Therefore, I'm not allowed to get involved in the strike at all. This means I'm expected to be at school, ready to teach, regardless of what's going on with the other teachers. In other words, I have been informed that I have to cross a picket line.

I'm terribly excited about this, let me tell you. I mean, on the one hand, the school director and the chairwoman of the strike committee both understand my position and have told me to be at school. On the other, I'm crossing a damn picket line. Not exactly a comfortable position in which to find oneself.

On an amusing sidenote, at the staff meeting where they apparently decided that they were going to strike, a roster was passed around. As I thought it was an attendance thing, I signed it. Turns out it was a list of support for the strike.

Oops.

Fortunately, I was able to get it cleared up, with no residual problems. It certainly explains some of the odd looks I got between Tuesday and yesterday, though.

Hopefully, next week won't be too weird. I suspect I'll just end up chilling with a book and some music in my classroom, as I'm not hopeful that many (if any) students will show up. We'll just have to see.

Later, flipsiders.

Lined Up And Waiting For That Next Big Set Outside

Well. One week down, second one started. It's sort of a mixed bag, at the moment. I have some classes that seem very eager to study, who ask and answer questions, etc., and I really enjoy teaching them. Other classes, I have to struggle to get them to pay attention, put up their cell phones, etc. Needless to say, I don't particularly look forward to teaching them.

Additionally, the schedule isn't set in stone, yet. This makes for some interesting times, as I thought I had a class during 5th period today, only to find that it had been moved to 6th, when another class came into the room in which I teach, letting me know that they had a class with another teacher.

This is apparently not an uncommon experience for Volunteers.

On a different note, I went up to the mountains again this weekend. This time, I went with the current Trainees on their hike to the Seven Rila Lakes (Bulgarian: Седмите Рилски Езера, Anglicized "Sedmite Rilski Ezera"). It was a lot of fun, and once again I was struck by just how amazingly beautiful this country is. There are, of course, pictures.

Starting off, just outside the lodge:















"Rugged" is a good adjective for the countryside here, I think. Also, as you can see, we were kind of hiking up into a cloud. It made things interesting.



One of the Seven Lakes. They were all amazingly clear.





There were all sorts of shots like this.







More shots of the various lakes:









At this point, the hike took a sharp turn upwards (into and past the clouds).













At the top:







Yours truly:







A cloudscape panorama:







Me again:



More lake shots:









Someone made some rock loungers. Perhaps this is what Blizzard meant when they talked about Frozen Throne™?



Couple more shots from the top:





The clouds rolled in, obscuring a really awesome shot of the lakes flowing into each other, so here's a little rainbow instead:



On the way down:









All told, it was about 4 1/2 hours round-trip from the lodge to the lakes and back. It was an awesome time, and hanging out with the new trainees and some other Volunteers who went was also really cool (there were 50 people in the group, total).

On Sunday, we went to the waterfall I went to last time. Due to battery issues, there are no pictures of that this time. What was interesting was that there were already icicles forming at the top of the waterfall, and there was some ice on the rocks leading up to the falls, as well.

Later, flipsiders.

Who Told You Dreamers Are Never Achievers?

Second official day of work today - just meetings, at the moment. Classes don't start until the 15th, so at this point we mostly sit around in a miniature reading-room-type place and drink coffee and smoke (well, my colleagues do). It's not so bad, as long as I sit near a window.

Anyway, today I found that there was a copy of Fahrenheit 451 in there. As I'd never read it before, I took the opportunity to do so. It's a really fantastic book. There was one bit, in particular, towards the end that resonated with me:

"'I hate a Roman named Status Quo!' he said to me. 'Stuff your eyes with wonder,' he said. 'Live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.'"
-Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

For me, that really sums things up nicely. We spend so much time inside our little box, our little private universe of neuroses and stultifying certainty that we never step outside to see that the world is actually a surreal place of wonder and amazement. We never wake up and think about the small everyday miracles that make up our life, the mind-boggling strangeness our species has wrought upon the planet.

Imagine, if you will, trying to explain the internet to the average Joe from the 1950s. Hell, even as recently as the late 1970s you'd get glazed looks in a matter of minutes. And the neverending press of forward progress continues headlong. In 30 years, imagine trying to explain dial-up modems to kids who might not even remember what corded phones are. And that's all on the technological level. I'm not even delving into the unadulterated weirdness that is the natural world.

Myriad forms, perfect natural geometries and symmetries, windswept LSD-shapes carved in the rock, it's all there. All of our dreams, all of our nightmares, our inspiration and our demons, lurking on this beautiful, fragile planet we call home. It shapes us, makes us, even as we strive to master it and reshape it in our own image. We swarm across its surface, busily wrapped in our little shells of meat and bone, forcing ourselves into obliviousness as to the wonder of it all, lest we be struck dumb with awe at the fragile majesty and overwhelming power of the world around us. We barely take time to appreciate the cultures that we ourselves create in response to the environment that contains us.

And all of the strangeness and wonder that surrounds us goes unnoticed as a defense mechanism. Who could hope to do anything if you actually thought about the vastness of our planet? I mean, the jungles alone are pure madness, to say nothing of things found underwater. Creatures that can swallow you whole? Essentially kill you with a thought (via sonar)? The world is such a strange, frightful place that all we can do is compartmentalize it and shove it to the backs of our minds, and maybe allow ourselves a peek now and again at the wonder of it all.

I suppose that's really the point of the quote. Don't take anything for granted, just because it's there. Enjoy the opportunities you have and make your own when you can. Really, life is there to be lived, enjoyed, exulted in. Taken by the throat. There really is more to see, to do, to learn than can possibly be done in a lifetime. So, enjoy the journey. Take time to appreciate the things around you, to open your mind to the possibilities. After all, no matter how old or young you are, you have your whole life ahead of you.

Later, flipsiders.